Stone Heart or How I'm Getting More Vulnerable

I have often joked about how I was the warmest machine you’d every meet.  Part of that was because of my Myers–Briggs personality type, and part of that was because of my life experiences.  I spent a very long time building a high thick wall around myself and my feelings.  I have many friends and acquaintances, but there are really few people who KNOW me. 

I have had to spend a good deal of time being “ON” and happy in front of others.  It was easier to do that than deal with my emotions and be vulnerable with other people.  I learned growing up that it was dangerous to be vulnerable.  It was painful to have feelings and emotions, and it was definitely not something you shared with others.  Who I was wasn’t good enough.  Who I was was wrong.  I took all of those ideas that other people had and hid myself away inside an impenetrable shell.

As an adult that protective shell became even harder.  I had to be strong through bad relationships, and a failed marriage.  I had to be strong and care for my children.  I had to put my own feeling aside and move forward through life, always with them at the forefront.  When my daughter became chronically ill I felt as if I didn’t have the luxury of being sad, afraid, or scared.  Someone had to hold HER hand and tell her everything would be alright, and that was going to have to be me.  I remember coworkers who didn’t understand why I was so calm, so unfeeling during that period.  I was feeling, just so deeply inside that it was in a place no one else had access to.

Many years later, with healthy happy children and a stable relationship, I have been able to begin to remove those layers of protection I thought I needed.  It is difficult, but every day is an adventure.  Some days are easier than others, but I am beginning to honor my feelings.  I now know it’s safe to feel them and express them with the right people.  I also realize that what I thought was protecting me was also keeping me from the kind of intimacy in my relationships that I truly wanted.  Hypnosis has been a huge part of allowing me to find a place where I now know: I am safe, I am loved, and I am worthy.

If you struggle with vulnerability tell me about it.  What do you do to get past the fear?    I want to know.

As Always, Love and Light

The End of the No Complaining Challenge and What I Learned

We are arriving at the end of our No Complaining Challenge.  The last two weeks have been 

 the hardest for me, because I had several unexpected things happen in my work and personal life.  It really WAS challenging not to just complain about all that was going on.  I would be lying if I said I didn’t find myself a few times grumbling and moaning over this or that.  I DID recognize what I was doing much more quickly and redirected myself.  And a big thank you to all those that reminded me to shut it up!

When complaining is a habit we may not recognize that we are doing something that is negatively affecting us, but it is.  I was watching a video by Grace Smith a few days ago, and she was making the association between complaining or not taking responsibility in a situation and us giving our power away.  I realized that complaining allows us to negate our responsibility for our part in any given situation, and in short order make ourselves the victim by handing someone else the power.

I had been upset over something at work last week.  I realized that by complaining about it I was totally giving my power away to make a change.  So I stopped complaining and asked for what I needed in the situation.  If felt really empowering.  Had I not said something I could have easily continued to complain, but I would not have had my needs met.  It was a total shift in my perspective in that particular situation.

This challenge has taught me: complaining is giving your power away; we are truly responsible in every situation for our part in it; owning our power allows us to effect change in our lives; it’s ok to be upset and angry about a situation, we just need to use that energy to move in a different direction.  If you participated with us what did you learn?  Share below!  I want to know!

If you are interested in future challenges check out the Xen Bliss Community Facebook.  It's a great community to be part of.  Lots of support and love all around.

In other news I will be in Los Angeles in less than a week for my hypnotherapy training!  I CAN NOT WAIT!!  This is going to be live changing and I want to share it with all of you!  I'm sure I'll blog a bit so keep tuned.

If you are interested in donating to my GoFundMe account to help fund my training and the travel involved  click here.  The special opportunity for FREE HYPNOTHERAPY is about to come to an end.  Check out the flyer below.  Any and all donations are appreciated beyond belief!

Go Fund Me!

Love and Light

First Week of the Challenge and a Bit on Self-Care

First off I want to say my first week (or a little more than) of no complaining has gone much better than I expected.  Maybe it’s all of the internal work I’ve been doing with hypnosis, but I only caught myself complaining a few times.  I am not going to say there have not been moments I didn’t want to say something, however I have stopped myself, thought about what the real issue was, and redirected myself. I’ll keep you posted on the rest of the month.  If you joined us for the challenge I would LOVE to hear how it’s going for you.  Please comment below!

This week I want to talk about self-care.  It can feel as if self-care is very extravagant

especially if you are used to giving so much of yourself to your children, spouse/significant other, and if you work.  I know that it’s easier for some than for others to find the time for self-care.  Self-care is more than just a bubble bath or pedicure, though both of those can be lovely.  Self-care is about honoring your inner self as well.  Self-care can be a sacred practice, and I believe we should hold it as such.

I think a consistent self-care practice is imperative to keep ourselves at our best.  I would be lying if I said I was perfect at remembering this, and there are most definitely times I fall flat.  But like everything else in life, self-care is about practice, practice, practice.  Some of my self-care practices include daily hypnosis, getting out in nature several days a week, writing, and nurturing a stillness practice. 

My stillness practice is extremely important to me and is usually one of the first things I do in the morning.  It sets the tone for the day and really allows me to connect to my inner-self and to my higher power.  Meditation and prayer can be some of the most important time we spend in self-care.

As I write this I am curled up in my recliner snuggling my dog and watching Naruto with my son.  This too is what I consider self-care.  Time alone with my children connecting about our individual interests is sacred to me. 

Tell me what you do for self-care.  Is it something you do consistently or only after you realize you’re burnt out?  I’d love to know.

Love and Light

PS Come check out my new Facebook page Something for the Journey for some daily inspiration and positive vibes!

Complaint Free July!

Today is the beginning of the Complaint Free July Challenge over at the Xen Bliss Community on Facebook.  I love this community and the ladies who run it.  Every month there is a new challenge to make us think and act or eat differently.  The support there is amazing.  I recommend joining us, not just for this challenge but for all the great reasons this community rocks. I decided to participate in the complaint free challenge for several reasons. 

1. We spend way too much time complaining.  The average person spends 8 minutes a day complaining.  That is 5 whole months in your lifetime.

2. Complaining doesn't change a thing.  It would be nice if all that complaining actually changed some thing, but it doesn't.  Instead of addressing our problems we seem content to just grumble about them.  A 2010 survey done in England showed one third of the people surveyed would rather do nothing and just keep complaining, and one fifth of the people stated they didn't have the time to fix things.

3. Your thoughts shape your reality.  That's right, what you think creates what you say, which in turn creates what you do.  Complaining keeps you in a negative mindset, and the more you complain the more you will attract to complain about.  Remember, what we think we become.  Think good thoughts and good things will come to you!

Let me know if you are joining the challenge.  What three things are you grateful for right now?  I want to know what you think! Comment below.

I will be checking back in through the month to let you know how it's going for me.

Also I am still working towards my hypnotherapy certification.  If you feel moved to, please donate here.  Every bit helps and is so appreciated!

And as always, Love and Light.

The Fear Monster and Why I'm Climbing Over It

I think a lot of us spend a good amount of our lives being afraid.  Afraid of what others might think, afraid we can’t pay our bills, afraid of looking stupid, afraid to speak up about the things that are really important to us.  We are afraid of the dark, or afraid of the light, or afraid of really being seen.  We are afraid of being unlovable.  We are afraid to be alone.  We are afraid to make the wrong choice.

I am sure in my lifetime I have had millions of fears.  I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here to say I bet you have too.  My fears lead to thoughts like: there’s never enough, I don’t have support, I can’t do it, my dreams aren’t important, I’m always alone.  Even though I am unaware of it most of the time, these thoughts replay over and over like a tiny tape in the back of my mind.  They are present with every choice and decision I make.  These thoughts and fears have kept me in the status quo of life. 

Recently I took a long hard look at some of my fears and the things I’ve been thinking.  I found scrawled in one of my notebooks, “If I am afraid to succeed and I am afraid to fail, then I am trapped.”  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I have been letting fear guide my decisions and choices for way too long.  I don’t want to be trapped.  I am ready to move forward even if that means confronting my fears head on.

For about a year I have been using hypnosis daily and love it.  It has completely changed my life, so much so that I want to become a certified hypnotherapist.  I had been looking into different schools and then suddenly the hypnotist I work with decided to open her own school.  It was a dream comes true!  Her style is perfect for me, and something I’d love to teach myself.  I immediately knew this is what I needed to do.  And then the fears set in. 

For two months I went back and forth with myself over whether I would enroll.  The initial exhilaration at this opportunity was slowly consumed by my robotic thoughts: there’s not enough money to do it, you have to put what you want on the back burner and focus on everyone else, it’s just not the time, and you’re never going to do this.  I stated to believe my old thoughts.  I even started to believe that being “stuck” was where I was supposed to be, and then I had a conversation with a good friend that turned it all around.

This friend called me out.  She said I have to stop using my fears as an excuse not to move forward or put myself first, and I had to realize that sometimes I have to ask for help.  I thought about what she said all night long.  By the next morning I knew she was right. I just didn’t know what to do yet.

The Universe provides in surprising ways.  That evening I received an email from the school asking if there was anything they could do to help me get enrolled.  Here is was.  The Universe was asking me to ask for help!  And I did.  Through several emails we worked out a payment plan and made arrangement so I could start in June.  I was thrilled!  Then I was scared shitless.

I had decided that I was going to enroll for the hypnotherapy course, and I was going to make it happen no matter what.  One of the ways I was going to continue asking the Universe for help was to create a GoFundMe.  I had all kinds of fears about asking people to help me pay for my tuition.  “Who do you think you are?”  “People are going to laugh at you.” “No one is going to want to help.” “This is a waste of time.” BUT, I did it anyways.  I looked at those fears and said, “So what.  So what if I don’t raise the money.  So what if people laugh at me.  I am doing this anyways.”  And I did.

I no longer what to feel trapped in the place I am now.  I want to do something I am extremely passionate about.  I want that for you too!  I am just going to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  One day at a time, one step at a time.  One moment at a time.  Until I get there.

If you want to help support my training you can donate here.  Prayers and good vibes are always 

appreciated as well. 

Love and light to you all.

The Start of a New Journey

I miss writing.  It’s been about two years since I blogged, and I have missed it almost every day.  Life seemed to get in the way. I was always too busy: school, the kids, work, moving across two states.  I had lots of excuses.  In truth I just wasn’t making it a priority.  I’ve come to realize I need to make it a priority regularly.  Writing helps me to slow my thought processes and really look at things.  It gives me the strength to say and see the things I’m too afraid to face.  It gives me answers to questions I didn’t even know I needed to ask.  So I am back to writing for me.  Even if no one ever reads a word of it, I am committed to doing this for myself. 

I abandoned my previous blog because as much as I love it I feel I’ve grown passed it.  I wanted a place to express what I was learning and how I was growing as a person.  A place to share more positivity and a place to share what I’ve learned.  To give support to others in this amazing journey we call life.  This is how Something for the Journey was born.  My goal with this blog will be to share from the lessons I encounter in my own life as well as pass on great teachings I am blessed to find. 

I look forward to this journey, and I hope that if you choose to journey with me you get just as much out of it.

Love and Light

Hava

“Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.” – Wayne Dyer