Forgiveness and the Growth of a Family

Joseph and His Brothers

This week I again have combined two portions, the last two portions, as we come to the end of
Genesis. We begin with Vayigash which translates as "and he drew near." As we enter the scene Judah is begging Joseph who is still disguised to release Benjamin and take him instead. As Judah pleads Joseph is overcome with emotion and can no longer continue keeping the truth from them. He admits who he is to his brother's shock. He instructs them to go back home, collect their families, herds,  and belongings, and to return to Egypt where Joseph will provide for and protect them. With the Pharoah's permission, Joseph settles his family in the area of Goshen, and he continues to manage the needs of the Egyptians as the famine is unwavering.

Israel Blessing Ephraim and Manasseh

Vayechi, meaning "and he lived," opens with Jacob nearing the end of his life. He makes Joseph swear he will take his body back to Cannan and bury him with his forefathers. He then blesses both of Joseph's sons Ephraim and Manessah stating they are now to be considered His own sons in tribute to his love for Rachel. As his time draws ever closer Jacob blesses all of his sons one by one. Once he reminds them of his burial instructions he finally draws his last breath. Pharoh gives Joseph permission to take his father back to the land of Cannan to bury him. Somewhat fearful that Joseph might turn on them, his brothers flung themselves before him requesting mercy. Joseph reassured his brothers He meant them no ill will, and in fact saw how everything worked out exactly as it was supposed to. Joseph and his family remained in Egypt, and he continued to care for them.

The opening of Vayigash and the ending of Veyechi finds Joseph's brothers pleading for his mercy. They seem unable to accept the idea that Joseph could possibly forgive them for selling him. In contrast, Joseph has shown nothing but love and forgiveness through both portions. Maybe the lesson here is people can live one of two ways. Fearful of the experiences life brings them to or accepting that everything will work out just as it should. Joseph says in Veyechi, "Have no fear! Am I a substitute for God?" He clearly has no ill will, or any need to seek vengeance. There is a saying I have seen a few times, "Trust the process." Joseph is the perfect example of trusting the process. He is at peace.

Another theme throughout not just these two portions but through the entire book of Genesis is the importance of growing the next generation. This is something that touched me as I myself have children quickly approaching adulthood. Each generation is blessed by the subsequent one, both by actual blessings and by the lessons they impart. Each generation has their own evolving relationship with God, the land, and other nations. Each generation has their own trials. And each generation seems to grow. Jacob "adopting" his grandchildren and bestowing part of his blessing on them really solidifies the desire to expand as a people. As we enter Exodus next week we see how that turns out.

Be Here Now or My Judging Mind

I love mindfulness meditation. It is free of religions connotations so anyone can do it. You can do it
anywhere at anytime. There are multiple benefits such as reduced stress, lower blood pressure, and improved sleep just to name a few.

There is no pressure to force your mind to be silent. Only watching. Observing thoughts as they float through, and naming them. In mindfulness meditation when you find thoughts floating through your mind you simply say internally "thinking." Then let go and allow the thoughts to evaporate.

"I have to pay this bill or call this person or do this thing." There they are. Those pesky thoughts. I see you. I can just name you and let you leave. "Thinking." Why is this taking so long? Am I even doing this right? "Thinking." Why haven't I heard back from that job I applied for? "Thinking." Does anyone love me? Do I love me?? "Thinking."

I've been thinking (no pun intended) a lot about this concept all week. If this can work during meditation why can't it work as I wander through my day as well? Why can't I just name thoughts as they float through during my drive, or at work, or even when I'm on the phone with someone? Not out loud unless it's appropriate, but just call things out when necessary bringing me back to the present moment and too myself.

Confession time. I am extremely judgmental. It is painful to say that, because that's not the way I want to see myself at all. However if I am truly honest I judge just about everything. I judge myself for my weight, my looks, my awkwardness in communicating with other people. I judge how fast I read, how well I write, my punctuation and spelling, and my work. I judge how much I verbally participate in class. I judge my text message content. I am hypercritical of myself at almost all times. And I didn't even realize it until very recently when I started using this mindfulness technique all day long.

I am super judgmental when I drive. Not of myself, because I am perfect behind the wheel, but every other person on the road. No one can drive right in Houston. At least that's what my mind says incessantly as I go about my daily commute.

It was driving one morning when I got the idea to start applying the naming technique to my judging thoughts. I decided that every time I caught myself thinking a judgmental thought about another driver I would simply think the word "judging" and let the thought float away.

USE A F*#$*)N% BLINKER! "Judging." Why are you going so slow???? "Judging." This is not a two lane left turn jerk! "Judging." Stop texting and drive! "Judging."

After a few days of doing this practice I noticed something. I was becoming more aware of my judging thoughts. Not just while I was driving but all throughout the day. I started at work. I was judging someone else's actions and instinctively named the thought. I also noticed when I did this it became easier and easier to detach from the judging thoughts themselves. Which really is the whole point of this technique; to see that our thoughts are not really ours. To realize we are the observer, not the thinker.

Being able to draw myself back to the present and realize when I'm trying to trip down the rabbit hole of judgment has been of great benefit to me. I have been more aware of my own judgments. I have been acutely aware of how that distances me from others. How I have used judgment as a defense mechanism. How it has hurt my abilities to connect. Because I can now see it better, I can choose to make different decisions. I can be more present in the moment and  be honest with myself and others.

I love Ram Dass. I love his work. I love his book Be Here Now. This mindfulness meditation practice can get us out of our heads into the present moment. Here and now are really all we have. Be. Here. Now. No more judging. No more resistance. Be. Here. Now. Choose. Choose now. Over and over again. With each breath. Be. Here. Now.

Random Jewish Thoughts on a Thursday

A few random final thoughts as Sukkot comes to a close.

1. The sukkah is an impermanent structure. Like our bodies. It is a reminder that from dust we came and to dust we shall return. Nothing is forever.

Wood Sukkah

2. The sukkah has one open side to create a feeling of hospitality, and we are to invite others in. We even symbolically invite the patriarchs in each night. So too we should welcome others into our hearts with love. We should welcome the teachings that inspire and help us grow as well.

3. The roof of the sukkah should be made of a material that lets the light of the stars in. We too should stop and let the light in.

Boho Sukkah

4. The sukkah is to be decorated inside. So too should we decorate our hearts and soul with things of beauty. Love, compassion, devotion, charity, and grace to name a few.

5. We are commanded to shake the lulav (a group of 4 different species of plants.) This leads to a dance of sort. This can create great joy in doing something that feels silly. We too should always remember to look for the joyful moments as we move through our lives. If you don't see them, make them!

Fancy Sukkah

And now that Sukkot is drawing to a close we are about to start a whole new adventure. We are about to roll the Torah scrolls all the way back. To start at the beginning once again with Genesis or Bereshit as it is known in Judaism. Another year, another cycle, of creating, growing, and enjoying our impermanent lives. May the light bless you and keep you another year.

Weekly Affirmations and Being Right Where I Am

I have been feeling the urge to write again for awhile. It feels like a constant wrestling match inside of me. My heart wants to write, me head spouts all these reasons why I shouldn't. The doubts, the anxiety of being seen. I feel like I am entering a new season of life as I get closer to 40. I feel like I am braver and less fearful. My hearts desire to be vulnerable is starting to win out over my kvetching mind. I am embracing it. One day at a time.

I am also going to start sharing a new affirmation each week on Something for the Journeys Facebook page which you can find here. Each Sunday I will add a new affirmation. This weeks was:

I have to remind myself of this all the time. I always feel like I "should" be 15 steps ahead of where I am. I think many of us need to stop shoulding all over ourselves and embrace where we are. There is work to do right where we are. It is perfectly acceptable to want more. However I need to learn to love the step I am on. Maybe you do too.